Complimenting for #careerlions
Recently, I was reading How to Talk to Anyone by Lowndes. Part of the book covered how to handle praise. I was intrigued by the impacts the way you praise someone and react to compliments have on both your personal and professional lives. That is why this week I am writing about complimenting for #careerlions. If you want to learn how to praise rather than coming across manipulative and insincere, keep reading!
I never really thought about this one until I read it in Lowndes’ book, but compliments are never as exciting as hearing them through someone else. Yes, getting a compliment from someone directly is great. Hearing from someone else that you were praised, makes you feel like there was no ulterior motive involved. Of course, you can now use this knowledge to compliment another indirectly if you want to ensure a priceless praise.
Become a good news messenger
We all know they saying “don’t shoot the messenger” right? But Lowndes indicates that we don’t always have to deliver the bad news. We should be alert for compliments and make sure to pass them along. After all, who doesn’t love the carrier of good news? This way you also keep the first point of praising indirectly in play for others.
Become an undercover complimenter
Another not so obvious way of giving compliments, is by doing it in a somewhat undercover manner. It implies getting a praise into the second part of your point. When you start using this, do take into account that the person you compliment might not pay attention to your main point in the end. Just to help you put this into practice, a few examples of things I wouldn’t mind hearing (hint hint, not saying it has to be true here people):
- “Because you are fabulous dancer, you would have been able to keep up, but I tripped over my own feet trying to keep up with the steps class at the gym” or
- “Because you are such a go-getter I wouldn't understand, but I just wanted to give up within the first five seconds”.
When someone gives you a compliment, your response should not be an insult. Reading Lowndes’ part on this was an eye-opener. Again, I never really considered the others feelings when I shook off a compliment I felt was unaccounted for. So note to self, when someone gives you a compliment, take it. Better yet, boomerang it! The boomeranging concept means to throw a compliment right back to the thrower. Go for something like “that is very kind of you” and throw in a praise right back to the giver. Example time:
- Giver: “You are really improving in so and so”
- Receiver: “Oh thank you for noticing…”
- Answer of receiver to be avoided: “No that is nothing, I am so slow”
With the latter reply, you are actually implying that the giver is insane for seeing your progress as an improvement. You are basically insulting them!
Timing is everything
Whether it is in dancing, playing instruments, or complimenting, timing is and will always remain key. There are those moments that a compliment is required right there and then. Also, the content of those compliments is of course of great importance in relation to the timing. If someone spend hours in the kitchen to make you dinner and all you have to say is for instance “the food at that restaurant you picked the other night was gorgeous right”? Then what the hell are you implying? That is not a compliment! If someone is showing off their new outfit, it is not the time to compliment them on an outfit they were wearing some other time!
We all bitch when someone doesn’t do something right, but it is crucial to stroke people continuously when things are good. I don’t believe there is anyone out there that truly wishes someone else to have to ask: Don’t you love me? Am I not doing a good job? Or something similar. Little strokes can mean a lot to others. Personally, I am always dying for a stroke when I spend a lot of effort on making a new dish. Of course I want my cooking efforts to be appreciated! A little hint, I do not want to hear at that moment that the pasta the other day was really good. Strokes also require perfect timing.
Are you ready to start upping your praising game and receiving compliments better? I have started and hope you will enjoy my praising heading your way! Are you in an appreciative mood? Share in the comment section below, no pressure haha.