Let’s decide to not give a F**K
“When you nod your head yes, but you wanna say no.” Besides being in the car and singing to Justin Bieber’s hit what do you mean, how often do you find yourself in such a situation? If you catch yourself twisting on your seat and thinking of a politically correct answer to this question, chances are you are a bit of a people pleaser. I know I definitely used to be, until I realized it was no good for my personal time management. Not to mention the amount of energy, or lack thereof. Therefore, the last few years I have been trying to turn that around by applying Derek Siver’s HELL YEAH or no approach. Sarah Knight takes quitting being a people pleaser to the next level in her book The life-changing magic of not giving a f**k.
The NotSorry method is a two-step system that induces the life-changing magic towards the not-giving-a-f**k-attitude. The steps are:
- Deciding what you don’t give a fuck about.
- Not giving a fuck about those things.
The steps sound very simple, the implementation however is quite complex. Fortunately, Knight does not leave us hanging there, but dedicates four chapters to elaborate on the NotSorry method. The NotSorry method is aimed at reducing time, energy, and money spent on stuff you don’t really care about, but are afraid/feel guilty to say no to or feel obliged to spend resources on. This is supposed to result in more time, energy, and money for other stuff that you do care about. Not even taken into account sparing yourself all the emotions that come with doing stuff you don’t want. Here, are some of my favourite techniques to implement the NotSorry method.
Make a f**k budget for things
The first category where f**k’s can be given is on things. There are only so many f**k’s you can give, given an X amount of resources. Therefore, like your finances are budgeted, so do your cares have to be. Things that fit in my f**k budget are my Kusmi BB detox tea, watching How I met your mother on Netflix, sushi, and books. Things that I could not give a f**k about are sending replies on Whatsapp in conversations I have mentally checked out of or whether my conversation partner has seen that I have been online in the meantime and still chose not to reply. Thank the lord for the option to switch off the annoying blue checkmarks or last time seen online.
Being selective regarding meetings for work
Stop giving a f**k at work is quite hard, especially when you are just starting out your career and still figuring everything out. Being selective of what you spend your time on however, is an important quality to develop. One of the tips Knight gives on this is to not agree to attend meetings right away, but figure out whether it is useful for you to be present. Afraid of declining attendance, but in need of time to work on stuff? Block a few hours or a day in your schedule so your co-workers will not even propose a meeting during those timeslots. Problem solved, or actually problem prevented.
Personal policies for friends, acquaintances, strangers, and related items
Here, is when it gets harder to say no to stuff. That’s where Knight’s trick of applying personal policies comes into action. Not feeling like going the fund raiser of your friend’s, neighbour’s, or cousin’s 5-year old child? Make it a personal policy where you explain that it’s nothing against the friend’s, neighbour’s, or cousin’s 5-year old, but you just do not go to fund raisers. Otherwise you would have to go to all of them and there is simply not enough time in a day to do so. By the time you’ve explained this, people will not even try to bother asking anything else about this policy.
The ones that have read the book might notice I skipped on one of the categories here, family. I only have my mom, dad, brother, and grandma living close and no in-laws to deal with. Therefore, this category simply does not create any trouble for my f**k budget. So now we know not only how to tidy our house, like Ashley wrote about in this article, but also how to tidy up mentally. Let us know in the comments who and what fits your f**k budget and what does not? What will you do with your new gained time, energy and, money?